Jack Toft
Years ago

Basketball funding increase linked to Zones

The State Government is set to announce a major funding increase to grassroots basketball including the building of a 5 court stadium in Jay Weatherill's marginal seat of Cheltenham and several other stadiums to replace Hillcrest and Marion, but some say at a cost. The first being access for ASADA to undertake random drug testing from U12's and above and the second is to introduce zoning to the sport.

In a landmark decision set to turn junior basketball upside down, the Club Presidents have agreed 8 to 2 accept this multi-million dollar funding deal and to introduce zoning next junior season based on council area and road segment. Centrals take in areas north of Grand Junction Rd, Southern take areas south of Mitsubishi. Woodville take from Henley Beach Rd north to Port Rd. West take Port Rd to Main North Rd. North's area is the eighth from Main North rd to North East Rd. Norwood take in from North East Rd to The Parade, Eastern take a metro area presence with the area from the Parade to Glen Osmond Rd, Sturt get from Glen Osmond Rd to Goodwood Rd and South from Goodwood Rd to ANZAC Hwy. Forestville have been allocated their traditional area of Henley Beach Rd south to ANZAC Hwy.

Paul Wingfield, official spokesman from one club said "We welcome the return to our traditional area as we have gone from a working class club in the 70's to a club babysitting precocious private school princesses in the 10's" Meanwhile Toby Charlesworth-Smyth, spokesman from an unamed effluent club against the change is ropable. "My club will continue its fine tradition of poaching players from other clubs. I am putting bunks in my workman's quarters to qualify them as boarders"

New stadiums sound good, but is it right that ASADA should be dug testing 10 year old kids?

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Anonymous  
Years ago

Nice try april fool.

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Ingles13  
Years ago

Holy shit it's already april

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Annon  
Years ago

Nice try Jack, very funny

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Bear  
Years ago

Oh, and don't forget to set your clock back Jack, as daylight savings ended last night, maybe that's why you couldn't sleep?

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That was a shit load of typing to come up with a major fail!!
Hahahaha

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Jack Toft  
Years ago

Yeah, the first line was a dead giveaway "The State Government is set to announce a major funding increase to grassroots basketball" Like, whenever has that happened?

"Jay Weatherill's marginal seat of Cheltenham" - ppff

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Bear  
Years ago

Zoning I could almost have understood, but random drug testing of under 12's...

Seriously, Jack!!?

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Anonymous  
Years ago

Oh wow!!!! THis was sooo exciting.

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Jack Toft  
Years ago

Yeah, that was another dead giveaway. No government in their right mind would drug test a 10 year old. Not even an ALP government.

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Jack Toft  
Years ago

Actually, I was waiting for someone was going to start up the following thread:

"Sixers announce Marty Clarke signing for 3 more years"

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Anonymous  
Years ago

Went too hard too early Jack, but nice try.

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Anonymous  
Years ago

unnamed effluent club... Lmao!

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Anonymous  
Years ago

It's sad that an April fool's gag is bigger than the sport

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Neutrel  
Years ago

Excellent write up Jack
Shame it isn't true
I liked the poaching club bit, sensational journalism
Did you put in for the paid job to write up for BSA on ABL?

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Clydetheglide  
Years ago

Good one. Had me so much that I went to the real estate pages looking to move to Sturts zone so that my 6 year old would have to play for them to save them having to poach him at u16 trials in 8 years time.

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