Wear a shirt that says "Coach Pete" in big letters on the back.
When putting a sub in, walk up and down in front of your players on the bench with a thoughtful look on your face, then point at the player to be subbed in with your index finger, quickly followed by gesturing towards the court with your thumb (in the one motion, if possible).
A conditioning drill at training is not successful until one of the kids throws up.
Protest dodgy calls theatrically - arms outstretched, palms up. If you can elevate your hands (with palms up) above your shoulders you automatically become a very good coach, one who is passionate.
Coach a team of orphans, if possible - kids become successful basketballers in spite of their parents, not because of them.
Never shoot at trainings, even if demonstrating a drill which finishes in a shot attempt. Kids lose all respect for coaches who can't finish. Put it above your head, simulate the shooting motion, do anything - just don't release it. If you miss, it's all over.
And remember, according to John Wooden, who won a thing or two, you can have "moral victories" - even though the scoreboard says your team, well, lost. (scroll down towards bottom of page)