*** BREAKING NEWS - REPORTED BY PEREZ HILTON ****
Reports are swirling think and fast out of Malaysia's tropic island paradise of Langkawi that the manager of Canberra Choke has been sighted snorting coke of the backside of 5 hookers whilst downing pints of Carlsberg beach-side. The GM is out partying hard whilst his team remains home and continues to struggle.
The GM managed to take 5 minutes of his time away from the hookers and coke to give us a quick chat.
"This season has been f**ked, we got a$$ raped by injuries, losing practically our starting 5. The pr**ks didn't even use KY or spit this season. Just bent over and shafted". (Note: The GM is up to pint number 5 after 3 hookers and some serious nasal damage)
"We supposedly bought in a gun ex-NBA'er in Trey Gilder. Serious, what type of f*#$ing name is Trey Gilder. His performance wasn't worthy of the WNBA when he arrive, so we traded him to cut some cash, and gain a used condom and a dude named after a freaking ice-cream cone. The trade was made to generate some good-will. Then the prick starts to perform.... Thanks for the shaft job there Trey"
The GM then went on and said that after the draft, and the first few rounds he believed he a top 4 squad.
"We drafted pretty well, and things were pretty happy to the club house. We had 4 players that could put a double-double each night and we though the bench would be strong" he said.
"Our season well and truly went to sh*t when we lost our second round pick, and starting centre, Anthony Petrie. We never really recovered from that, and our backup just isn't a starter in this league".
"We then had our two import guards cut. TJ Campbell just never got it done, and DeVries, the dude had a dodgy groin and got punted. Interesting find about groins and Devries from UrbanDictionary. Google it".
"Things became depressing when our first round pick, Shawn Redhage popped his hip. Seriously, who and how the f*#k do you 'pop a hip'. F*#k me, can this sh*t get any worse. We had then lost or 1st, 2nd, 4th and 5th round picks due to injury or under performance" the GM said.
"The Canberra Choke will be back next season, fingers crossed still in the top league. When I return to Australia, I'll drop some um err um keys cough cough um hookers cough err to the rest of the owners and see that I can't convince for the Choke to stay in the top league. No team deserves the luck this franchise had this season".
We left the interview there, as the GM just slide off his stool in a drunken puddle of beer, hookers and coke.