Jack Toft
Years ago
R5 ABL Action
Just when you thought it was safe to have a royal barbie on Sunday, another extra round pops up. In lieu of the Chaser's ban on commentating the broadcast (they were planning to use Price Philip’s quotes) I have inserted some of PP's finest after each game - you don’t realise how politically incorrect they are, so please don’t take any offence.
South vs Woodville at Marion
Women: South have the oldest average age and Woodville the youngest. South have had a tough start to the season with a couple of one point losses and Woodville will be looking to be put a stick in their wheelchairs and walking frames. There’s something to be said of experience though and the Panthers should be able to dispatch the young warriors before their afternoon nap and early turn in. PP to the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes "You look like you’re ready for bed!"
Men: Crew Casella and have had a good start to the season and Woodville welcome back “the Big Zed”. Could be a good game as South at the moment have more confidence than a teenager knocking off a cougar. Woodville are putting up plenty of shots, but are shooting 35% from the floor compared to South’s 45% and this will be the difference this afternoon. PP to the Queen, after her coronation “Where did you get the hat?”
Sturt vs North @ Pasadena
Women: It’s hard to think that Sturt could get stronger, but Madgen seems to have done just that. North too reliant on Jo Hill will need others to lift and support her, or else they will be savaged. PP to a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea “You managed not to get eaten, then?”
Men: Sturt basically at full strength now and this game is a little bit like the landed Lords of Gentry battling the Highlanders from the North. Unfortunately for the Rockets, we all know how Braveheart finished. PP to a driving instructor in Scotland “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?”
West vs Eagles @ Port Adelaide
Women: This is going to be a crackerjack. Eagles might be a bit tired after slogging it out with Sturt the night before, but with both Sturt and Eagles playing each other, I expect both coaches might slow things down in the second half to keep some in the tank for today. West should have won the Jimmy Barnes Cup and might be a little fresher and have a bit more in reserve to take out a thriller. PP to Elton John after hearing Elton had sold his Gold Aston Martin “Oh, it’s you that owns that ghastly car – we often see it when driving to Windsor Castle.”
Men: Another top contest in the mens and the matchups look very interesting. Both teams are looking very nice and are undefeated at the moment. It’s hard to see one team dominating and this is a real flip of the coin for this one, but the home team might have the edge with that big bag of rocks back in their team and the easier run into the game. PP: “If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it’s either a new woman or a new car!”
