Jack Toft
Years ago

NH: 50 Shades of Rubbish

My sister in law raved about this book and gave me her copy to read, so I thought "why not?".

I thought I should read it seeing as though everyone was going on about it being mummy porn and the like. I was expecting it to be pretty sexy and to contain some moves even I haven't tried before, but willing to give a go with a batman cape and a tube of KY. The warning signs were there when the reviews were along the lines of "I couldn't put the book down", instead of "It was a really wonderful book with a rich tapestry of characters and an interesting plot", but like mini me in Goldmember, I didn't quite catch on until it was too late and when you are halfway through a book you might as well go the distance. The fact it was written as fan fiction by a Twi-hard should have been a warning beacon of disaster like the Robe lighthouse.

The story is about a 'lusty love affair' between the two main characters, Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, but there is no love in this book, only obsession, control, stalking, tracking, bullying and domination by a dysfunctional creepy weirdo with a domineering mother (hello Norman Bates) over a naive young girl. The sought of behaviour if you exhibited to a love interest in real life an AVO would be served and before you know it you’re sharing a cell with Bevan Spencer Von Eiman. Last time I had a lusty love affair was in 1986 and we did it where ever we could, including a pay phone booth at the Adelaide Casino. Their lusty love affair is manicured like the Adelaide Oval.

The writing style was atrocious. First person, present tense should be saved for memoirs of war heros and primary school essays. The characters are as paper thin as John Wayne's badguys and even the A Team had more complex plots. I guess the book(s) would appeal to those who are a little naïve in the ways of the world and who are looking for an escape from daytime TV, washing, cooking, ironing and vanilla sex once a week. It's basically a "journey of discovery" story.


My verdict ...…. GIVE ME BACK THE HOURS I WASTED READING THIS BOOK ! Fifty shades of rubbish.

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The Situation  
Years ago

Did you get a stiffy?

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Jack Toft  
Years ago

Not even close.

Julia Gillard pole dancing in a catwoman outfit would be more arousing

Reply #379353 | Report this post


The Situation  
Years ago

As if she'd fit in one.

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KET  
Years ago

...and Jack will never read a woman's erotica book again.

Question I pose is:

Is it appropriate (or at the very least embarrassing) to be seen in public (say a train for instance)reading this "book"?

The amount of older women, and the occasional older man I've seen reading it in public...

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Anonymous  
Years ago

women reading it on trains are probably advertising their need for action ahaha

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Anonymous  
Years ago

Great basketball story!!

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Jack Toft  
Years ago

The "NH" in the title stands for "Non-Hoops" so "no-hopers" can understand that it is not basketball related

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Anonymous  
Years ago

I was only joking mate!

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Jack Toft  
Years ago

I know, but someone else might not!

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Jr_Sr  
Years ago

Possibly the best review I've ever read

Keep up the good work Jack!

Reply #379481 | Report this post




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