Years ago

NBA players you'd fight

Via JR's blog (hit the link for an amusing photo and caption comp courtesy of "4 PPG, John, Really?"), comes Thoughts From the Jockstrap's list of NBA players to fight or avoid.

Wanna Fight? Fight Me

It's not outrageously funny but does include the practical category of:

It's also a forum topic with some potential.

The list neglects Ben Wallace and Jermaine O'Neal (I'd just think of that running punch in the Pistons-Pacers brawl and run away).

I think Earl Boykins would fight like Yoda in Episode II (was that when he first revealed his style?).

What about the tallest player you'd give a shot? Dirk? But do they have compulsory military service in Germany?

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Years ago

Interesting, good to see they give pierce some credit.Im not sure about the phoenix one though, the thought of shaqs huge fist which is probably the size of my head, would send me runnin. even though im a knicks fan, jamal crawford is pretty skinny. But wheres the challange in that, ginobili maybe for my hatred of the spurs. Im not sure if there are any nth korean players, but i wouldnt go there. they dont fight fair.

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shin splints  
Years ago

The way that Lebron acts like he just got shot - every time he gets a bump or a poke in the eye, I reckon I could take him down.

Guys I wouldn't take on - some of the real life hunters - Brad Miller, or just crazy dudes like the retired Charles Oakley and Rick Mahorn.

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Years ago

How bout NBA coaches?

Can't tell me Jerry Sloan wouldn't take a hit, spit out a tooth and say "All right, lets dance!"

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Years ago

Zo Mourning.

Work the kidney.

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johnny sack  
Years ago

I reckon Nate Robinson - would be in the baseball bat category for sure - he seems to be near certifiable... But small enough to be manageable...

Andres Nocioni - Not even without a gun (the irony of ironies is that he comes from the same country that gave us Ginobili and Fabio (the Herrmanator))...

Cream puff - Adam Morrison (exhibit 1 - NCAA Tourney loss... crybaby!!!)... I`d make fun of him (take your pick) and then swoop in while he would be drying his eyes...

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johnny sack  
Years ago

Sam Mitchell allegedly pinned VC (yeah i know it`s VC) down on a massage table after a game (VIOLENCE PINNING DOWN - not the other one, OK?) a couple of seasons back. Thus precipitating Vince`s departure to NJ. I wouldn`t mess with a coach that would do that sort of thing - to his star player no less!!! Tho VC is a d##k...

Isaiah Thomas - there must so much pent up anger in that guy by now... Surely if we were in a "Minority Report" world - he`d be incarirated for life... for his future crimes...

Phil Jax might be troublesome as well - lame duck as he is, he does have a walking stick...

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Years ago

What about Gilbert Arenas (all talk?)? Or Ira Newble (too busy writing Sudan letters to be a brawler)?

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Years ago

Carmelo Anthony - After seeing him do a hit and run on Mardy Collins and lil Nate Robinson he looks pretty pathetic

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Years ago

I wouldn't of picked it, but apparently Erry (no J) Stackhouse is a bad [email protected] [email protected] Layed out more than his fair share of opponents and teamates in his day....

I'd try to disguise myself as an NBA hoop...

Then he might miss me...

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johnny sack  
Years ago

They probably said something about his ears. Before he had them tucked.

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Years ago


Great article.

Don't mess with Charles Oakley or Rick Mahorn as already stated.

Add retired Xavier McDaniel & Anthony Mason to the list.

Reply #206076 | Report this post

And John Starks.

Basically the entire 90's Knicks roster.

And the bad boys Pistons roster.

The funniest NBA fight imaginable would be Ginobili vs Vlade Divac.

It would be like being in a WWE match. More flops than Ben Affleck's acting career

Reply #206078 | Report this post

Years ago

Players i would fight-

1/ Stephon Marbury- Not the brightest peanut in the poo, i might employ the jedi mind trick and have him kick his own butt.

2/ Kevin Willis- Worst reach on a 7ft'er in NBA history. Seriously, my jack russel terrier would have a reach advantage on this guy...

3/ Josh Howard, Lamar Odom, Michael Beasly, Mario Chalmers, and Darryl Arthur. Stoned people can't fight.

4/ Shawn Kemp- Present day Kemp would be exhausted after one swing, if i can dodge that one, its just a matter of nudging him over. (still not an easy task- ever been cow tipping?)

Players i would never fight-

1/ Will Perdue- The Gomer Pile of the NBA would be unbeatable with that huge face mask.

2/ Steve Nash- May seem odd to pick the tiny canadian with the bad back, but i have a theory, Steve Nash is a serial killer. Look at him and tell me that grin he sports doean't scream serial killer. 'I ate his liver with some farver beans'

3/ Allen Iverson- Because it would probably go something like this

4/ John Stockton- Same reason as Nash.

Reply #206079 | Report this post

Years ago

"Or Ira Newble (too busy writing Sudan letters to be a brawler)?"

Ouch Isaac... that is a bit harsh? haha
I quite like and respect the guy and think it would be better if players continued to show more than just a passing interest in significant issues instead of just dollars?

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Years ago

For sure. Just saying he might not be much of a fighter (and I wouldn't pretend to be either!).

Isn't Stackhouse a little prone to singing?

With Melo, you could probably hit him, run away, hit him, run away, and he'd never catch up.

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Melvin Corpuscle  
Years ago

Isiah's flat out crazy, and in such denial,I imagine a fight with him being like that scene from The Holy Grail ... "It's only a flesh wound" ...

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Years ago

Fair call Isaac- I think I missed the context initially!

Reply #206087 | Report this post

Years ago

Never fight

Sir Charles in his prime, he's crazy lookin. Fight him now tho, same technique as the kemp fighting above.

Rodman, looks scary

Garnett, Crazy factor

Sheed, hes crazy too

Would fight

Bymun, man you could blow him over

Yi, do i need to explain?

Ray Allen

Reply #206090 | Report this post

Melvin Corpuscle  
Years ago

Also, I'd avoid CP3 and Reggie Evans - any man who goes straight for your junk is not a risk I wanna take

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Years ago

Nice junk call Melvin.

Good advice not to fight Rodman too, i have an image of getting knocked out, and waking up tied to a chair and gagged... in a room that looks like someones atic made to look like a dining room... then... in walks Dennis dressed in that wedding dress... with all that drag queen make-up...

That is straight up nightmare material.

Reply #206092 | Report this post

Years ago

Man, i would go to town on Bruce Bowen!!!!

I'd introduce his face to the footpath, straight out of American history X.

of course this would have nothing to do with race. just want to clear that up first. Just a pure hatred for the dirtiest player in the game.

Dont get me wrong. Oakley, Mason, Laimbeer, sir Charles, Sheed are all my fav players. Hard at the player and the ball. They'd put the fear of god into their opponents, and i love that.

What i cant stand is the kind of soft cock, dirty Bowen play. Sticking out a foot for a player to land on!!!!!

Sorry, had to vent.....i feel better now.

Reply #206094 | Report this post

Years ago

Bynum looks pretty strong to me: Image

Yi is very strong in the legs and, due to that low centre of gravity, might be hard to knock down. Could bounce back up like one of those inflatable Ben Wallace Defenders.

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Years ago

Steve Nash = serial killer

Exhibit A;

Reply #206099 | Report this post

Years ago

Boozer is another one that no one would want to fight!

Reply #206104 | Report this post

Years ago

I think I could kick Tyronn Lue's arse.

& Damon Jones, he gives me the Sh!ts.

Reply #206106 | Report this post

Years ago

'Sheed puts the fear of God in his opponents? Please, the only thing he puts the fear of God into is his coach when he doubles away from Robert Horry in the Finals.

Reply #206107 | Report this post

shin splints  
Years ago

I can't believe no-one has mentioned the ultimate fighting machine, Mr Ron Artest.

What about NBL? Or ABA?

Tom Need once took on Billy Fikes in a State League game about 10 years ago, pretty ballsy move at the time I thought.

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johnny sack  
Years ago

Lets be honest here though - why wouldn`t you pick a fight with a Ron Artest or a Sheed... Kind of a special once in a lifetime momento to carry with you - "See that colostomy bag son - your daddy got that when he mouthed off at (insert players name here).". Of course you want it to be someone of note - you don`t want to get thrashed by a Shane Heal or a Ricky Grace (no disrespect intended)... That`s just downright silly...

Just like the guy that Barkley threw through a plate glass window - that`s a Mastercard slogan right there!!!

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M Dizzle  
Years ago

I wouldnt like to push Caron Butler's wrong buttons, arrested 15 times and incarcerated by the age of 14

Reply #206110 | Report this post

Years ago

Brownie please. Sheed is the only player to be ejected from a McDonald's all American game. Sheed's game speaks for itself.

Reply #206115 | Report this post

curious george  
Years ago

sam cassel

Reply #206123 | Report this post

Years ago

Danny Ainge always had a face that was asking for a smacking..that and his whiny voice.

Reply #206127 | Report this post

Years ago

I'm with Joey Knuckles, infact I would suggest a WWF smackdown on the entire Spurs lineup.... Bowen, Horry, Ginobli and Duncan all deserve a beat down.

Reply #206136 | Report this post

Melvin Corpuscle  
Years ago

What about Dirk ?

Look at that speed ... didnt think twice about killing ...

Reply #206137 | Report this post

Years ago

I would fight richard bat required.....and i would knock him out cause he is a tool

Reply #206162 | Report this post

Years ago

i reckon usually its the ones that dont pretend to b tough that id b worried about even seen some mad dog juniors around over the years lol some right nutjobs

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Years ago

ESP - it would be the only time the Pistons could beat the Spurs.

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Years ago

Sprewell looks like a psyco

Reply #206197 | Report this post

Years ago

I would tangle with all man and prime LeBron any day !! hmmmm

Reply #206389 | Report this post


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